The world is so full of a number of things,
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

It's me again already! My lj feels like a ghost town though. All my photos are gone. It looks sad. I let my account at picturetrail lapse. I would love to have it back and have all my photos here show up, but I have so many there that's it's really expensive. I just don't think I can afford to do it. I'm back to a free account here also.

In other myljissad news, when I try to go through my friends pages, I get a message saying it may be infected with malware. I have no idea what to do about that.

Maybe this is just meant to be over for me? I don't know.

If anyone is on facebook and not friends with me there, I'd love to be friends! Leave me a comment here or email me at karenleigh62 at aol.com. Also, once in a blue moon, I update my gardening journal, if anyone is interested: http://gardeningwithsoul.blogspot.com/. I'm @karenleigh on twitter. My tumblr is http://authenticfauxhemian.tumblr.com/. You can find me somewhere always!

I am actually posting! At 3:45am! I really have nothing to say. Just a little manic and can't sleep. Things whirling in my head. Overwhelming but good. I don't get a lot accomplished in this state though. I wish I could really write here again. I wish I could say what I'm really thinking and feeling. I keep it all inside me now though. It's safer there. I feel so let down by people. I hang too much on them, I know. Still. It's amazing which ones turn out to be the ones to stick around through it all. I'm a lot to take. I scare or chase or whatever most people off over time. Some people can't be scared or chased or whatevered though. I love those people.

Here are my three new girls: Brownie, Blackie, and Whitie. Aren't those some original names?



Here are my three old girls: Chicken Little, Little Jerri Seinfeld, and Floppy.



Here's everyone.



Beautiful eggs.

1. So many times I think I'll post here and write the post in my head. Then I'm already tired of it and don't feel like typing it all out. I'm pushing through this one though!

2. The main reason I wanted to post is that I had a beautiful moment of zen yesterday, and I wanted to remember it. I looked out my backdoor and saw one of my koi jump out of the water after a bug or just for joy maybe. I hadn't been down to my pond in forever, so I got a little fish food and walked down there. Last year's fish babies have grown so much! My four big koi are huge. So, I was feeding my fish, my three new hens followed my down there so I gave them some fish food, and it was warm but the wind was blowing. It was just a perfect peaceful feeling.

3. Last weekend was my 50th birthday (I still can't believe it). I spent January in a state of anxiety about it. I just wanted to let it pass by without notice. My family wouldn't let that happen though, and I actually had a great time celebrating. Friday night, Pat, Daniel, and I went to Hickory Tap Room. We went really early. We ate dinner and I had two margaritas. By 9:00 I was ready for bed! Saturday, Pat and I went out shopping, and I got a beautiful glass house, terrarium thing. I want to put moss and ferns and my fairy statue in it. Saturday night, my big family (I think there were 18 of us) went to Mellow Mushroom, then to my sister's house for cake. I had the best time and felt so loved.

4. I watched the new Jane Eyre last night. I've been waiting forever to see it. Jane Eyre is one of my favorite books. The old movies really left an impression on me as a kid. I loved the new one. The atmosphere was just perfect. I'm ready to watch it again.

5. I had the most real-feeling dream about Sam and Dido last night. In my dream, I was trying to figure out if it was all real or I was dreaming. It was quite complicated, but the gist of it was that Dido hadn't actually died when I thought she did but had a stroke and lived more years. Her family didn't tell me though until after she died for real. And Sam hadn't really killed himself, only pretended that he did. He moved away and changed his name and started a new life. I was extremely upset that I didn't know any of this. It was all so crazy. I am all so crazy.

6. I just realized that I never answered the comments from my last lj comeback. I am truly sorry. Please know that I did read and extremely appreciate each one!

I'm back here, because I have nowhere else to put my stuff. Tumblr is for photos. Twitter is for nonsense. Facebook is for...well, I don't really know what Facebook is for. Plus, I miss everyone here so much. Going back through old entries though, I see so many lj names with lines through them. That makes me very sad. I miss the way we used to be here.

So here I am. I am doing much much better. I still have not so good days, but they are bearable. I have myself completely stressed out about Christmas though. I do this every year, don't I? You'd think the pressure would make me step up and get things done, but it does just the opposite. It paralyzes me, and I do nothing. I know at the last minute, everything will be ready and done. It always is. I just hate getting to that point. Then Christmas is over, and I am sad I missed so much of it.

The worst thing for me is that we haven't even had winter weather yet! It's in the 50s and 60s here! That's just not right. I need my cold, blustery days. I knew last year's White Christmas would ruin me forever!

I hope it's ok if I post here occasionally with no photos. I know if I think I have to post a photo every time, I will never post at all. If you want to see some photos, you can follow me on my tumblr: http://authenticfauxhemian.tumblr.com/.

I guess that's enough for now.

“I find it possible to speak to you today. I am not in despair about my health. But I must make every effort to get it better soon, very soon. You see Jack ‘accepts’ it; it even suits him that I should be so subdued & helpless. And it is deadly to know he NEVER tries to help. But I was not born an invalid and I want to get well — I long for — Do you understand? I feel every day must be the last day of such a life — but I have now felt that for years.”

— Katherine Mansfield, March 20, 1921

*Jack is John Middleton Murry, Katherine’s husband

(ornaments by kerrykate and poison bottles by lorifury)

Rare (lost) Words

tristifical - causing to be sad or mournful.
eternitarian - one who believes in the eternity of the soul.
cosmogyral - whirling round the universe.
siagonology - study of jaw-bones.
autexousious - exercising or possessing free will.
nepheliad - cloud-nymph.
gardeviance -chest for valuables; a traveling trunk.
ictuate - to emphasize.
senticous - prickly; thorny.
interfation - act of interrupting another while speaking.
nequient - not being able.
sparsile - of a star, not included in any constellation.
perantique - very antique or ancient.
vacivity - emptiness.
redamancy - act of loving in return.
starrify - to decorate with stars; to make into a star.

My newest big doll. She's DIM Bellosse named Claudette, a sweet vampire girl. I did her faceup/makeup myself; my first time.



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